I left the apartment around 4:35pm to get dinner on I-Drive. I figured with the Westward Blvd under construction, it would be relatively easy to cross. I was wrong, they moved the construction zone up a block so it was back to two in each direction.
Fortunately, crossing the normally busy westward lane was relatively easy as it wasn’t moving (the second lane, not turning onto I-4, was impossible to really gauge from the sidewalk) …but I was nearly hit by a speeding black sedan (who clearly had zero intention of slowing down) in the second lane when the first lane let me cross. I got across scared and out of breath, but otherwise unscathed.
I got off the I-Ride Trolley (Trolley 26, Red-North) sometime after watching the driver physically attacking a panhandling passenger (he was short 4 quarters) – by literally SMACKING HIS HAND AWAY AS HE TRIED TO PAY!! After shouting at him the entire time about “I need to move here! Either pay or GET OFF MY TROLLEY!”
“Is you alright? You seem a bit mad?”
The driver (yes, the same one from this post) then angrily unbuckled his seatbelt and tried to physically remove him which he was blocked from doing by said passenger and then got on the radio to report an “assault” but it was snatched away from him by the passenger at the last minute shouting “you got no fucking right to touch me!”
“Such vulgar language,” the old woman who gave him said change bristled. “That is not how one speaks in public.”
“Yeah,” a blonde-haired man in the back of the bus shouted standing up to defend the defenseless driver. “That is no way to treat a bus driver!”
“Is that a threat, boy? Well, you better check yo-self before I kick both y’awl’s pussy asses. I break them glasses clear off yo face! Here, take yo change back,” the old woman looks at him confusedly. “He don’t want it. Go ahead, take it.”
“I SAID ‘GET THE HELL OFF MY TROLLEY!’ Dispatch we got-“
“Don’t you dare try to ‘port me for yo shit! I can see you already lost some yo-teeth. I’ll fuckin’ knock the rest of them out for you! Fuck BOTH y’awl pussy asses! Hell, all y’awl are pussy asses! I check all y’awl’s asses! I check people like you 24/7! Fuck you. I outta here.”
“Dispatch, this is 26. I’d like to report an assault on a driver…”
“Did you want to wait for a sheriff?”
“Hell yeah, I’ll testify,” the blonde-man shouted.
“Yes,” the old lady agreed, “such rude behavior should not be tolerated in public.”
“No, he’s already, um, across I-Drive. You’ll never find him.”
We then continue the route unabated, though his mood was clearly soured… by a couple of confused tourists who were trying to get on the stop before meeting the passenger in this story. Anyway, I got to my destination further rattled… but still unscathed.
I feel kinda bad for the people I met the rest of the evening as I was probably a bit edgy when I was dealing with them. Fortunately, the ride back (Trolley 31, Red-South) was much more pleasant with a friendly driver – who had at least three passengers as if they were allowed to leave “tips.” (!)
I don’t have any clever final thoughts, but I got back safely so there’s that…
I woke up for the first time in months without pain and feeling totally refreshed. It was PERFECT… until a few minutes ago.
Then I picked up the phone just so they wouldn’t leave a pre-recorded message on my machine (which doesn’t let me delete messages because it’s a cheap pos) when OMG this happened:
“Hi, is this Jonathan?”
A live person wants to talk to me!
“Hi, Mr. Twaay-gear? I’m calling to let you know we can reduce your property insure…”
Less then thirty minutes into my day, and it’s already ruined.
It’s not her fault. She has a job to do, and she clearly likes it as much as I do… but she just HAD to say: “n-no, don’t hang up! If you give us the make/model of the car you drive, we can also save you…”
I’m flattered that she thinks I can drive… even if its SOLELY so she can make money off it, but the emotional rabbit hole she effectively threw me into was what derailed my otherwise perfect morning,
The rabbit hole with various side burrows and booby traps, think of it like Oak Island in reverse. The worst part is I never know what’s going to trigger said hole – and then once I’m in it…
Good luck getting out of it, all on your own, without any help from anyone.
That’s the part that REALLY hurts me.
Sure, I can often distract myself for a moment or two but as long as it has even a little of my attention, I’m not out of it yet. It helps that these side burrows often lead to sad/traumatic memories often from years ago that I was never “allowed” to feel because that’s just not how teens/adults deal with things.
The supposedly “correct” order of operations is: Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or some combination thereof… and if all else fails therapy. The problem was, once my parents decided to get the latter for me, the school they sent me to didn’t provide the “safe, therapeutic environment” mentioned in their brochure.
No, you had to stick to THEIR script (whether it was true or not) and then they would flip anything you said against you without any help or guidance on their part. Cleaning up the mess they caused is YOUR responsibility not theirs. In fact, the closest thing they gave me to a “tool” was:
“You want to know what’s causing all of your problems? Look in a fucking mirror.”
Deep man. Really deep…. unfortunately, it’s not very, you know, helpful. I’ve tried looking in mirrors. All I see is a fat, ugly dude who needs to shave more often. I, however, have yet to find any SOLUTIONS there.
Yes, I know I look ridiculous ranting in a mirror about lowering the insurance rates on a car I don’t have but am expected to have anyway JUST so if I got hit by a car I can say “I lost my car and license after a really bad accident but I continued paying anyway just in case this happened.” To which they’d inevitably say, “you’re an IDIOT” – and they’d be right!
But nope, at least FOUR people at the hospital asked me for MY car insurance – even though I was the VIC… Oh, sorry, wouldn’t you know it? She has other calls to make.
In the meantime, my reflection and I have to find my own way out of this damned rabbit hole…
So, I’m having a stressful evening mentally. I was going to get coffee at the Wawa on I-Drive to distract myself, but I decided self-care was more important. The lights of traffic outside (at 8pm no less) were blindingly bright (streetlights are pretty much non-existent in my area) and the mobile concerts were almost deafening at times, #sensoryhell neither helps with my perpetual headache so I came back inside.
Besides, LAST time I went to Wawa, I was forced to figure out how to react to someone sending this page a message about my personal profile being “banned” from an unspecified page (a kind of weird thing to do, plus it took me two and a half days to figure out which one).
The plus side is, I have more money for rent and bills. Oh, and I can still go out tomorrow morning if I really wanted to…
Yesterday, my Facebook page received a rather rude pm about it’s author being “banned” from an unspecified page, presumably for having an opinion of some sort (perish the thought).
That isn’t what bothers me, but what DOES is that I was probably supposed to feel something: mad, sad, guilty or like I was being “punished” for some vaguely described crime… but I didn’t.
I simply stood there for a moment in the middle of the Wawa with my newly acquired coffee in hand like “okay, that was petty, but why is she sending it to my page?”
I know she sent it for a REASON (however petty), and I knew I was supposed to react a certain way… but I didn’t. Am I cold, unfeeling or is ennui a viable option? I did send a cursory response when I got back to the apartment roughly 20 minutes later, but I was in too good of a mood to argue with her.
I was going to send her message at 9:35am (12 hours after the instantaneous response that I never read) but decided to simply delete it instead. I am 38 years old. Like it or not, I’m an “adult” now.
Thanks for reading this. I didn’t intend to go on so long, I just really needed to get this out of my system. Servus.
Update: We have another cold front passing through Orlando this week. So, I’m having a hot coffee, so far, nobody has “banned” either me and my “negative and insulting comments” or my overly positive Autism affirming page from anything… yet. (12/10/18)