As I’m coming back from the bank and pass the back entrance to Sutton Place Apartments, a black man in a luxury car stops in the middle of the street, his driver-side window is clearly open.
“No,” he says into his phone. “I’ll just this random ass white guy…Hey YOU, can I ask you a favor? I need your help with something.”
It was against his better judgment, but “Random Ass White Dude” approached this bright red Mercedes anyway.
He then then stares at me intently for a minute or so before shouting: “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I SAID I ‘NEEDED SOMETHING’ AND YOU ARE NOT GIVING IT TO ME! ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED OR SOMETHING?”
“You never said what that ‘something’ was. You just started shouting at me.”
“DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU FUCKING PEOPLE? I MEAN YOU ARE SO FUCKING STU- (I can see the gears turning in head)… I mean I am an actor in the TV series ‘Veep’ which was filming on location here today…”
“I’m an actor, I’ve been in movies, TV series – including ‘The Wire’ -, Broadway AND I’m a graduate of theatre arts from the Baltimore School of the Arts so you KNOW I’m not some kinda crackhead or something like that…”
“GET TO THE POINT ALREADY,” I said losing patience with his self-serving prattle.
“I-I need to get to our studio in Georgetown (technically, the studio for “Veep” is in Columbia, Md.) for another shoot… but you see, my credit card was declined at the gas station. As I said, I’m not a crackhead, I’m a good guy… I just need you to give me $50 to cover the cost of gas to DC…”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Now I know, $50 is a lot to ask, but if you don’t have it… (this was clearly meant as an insult). I’ll just find someone else to give it to me…”
“You do that.”
“You’ll excuse me, now, I’m going to find someone who is not a FUCKING IMBECILE,” he said as shot off in his shiny red Mercedes leaving “Random Ass White Dude” alone in the middle of the street.
I cross to the opposing sidewalk and continue on my way up the hill towards The Beethoven. I head immediately downstairs and find the landlord in her office.
She told me that while I am not allowed to use cash, I was allowed to use “cashier’s checks, money orders or – since we both use M&T Bank – ACH.” But more importantly, she said the cashier I dealt with this morning was “extremely rude” and hopes I “reported her to her manager.” More importantly, she also told me the number Google gave me for her office was incorrect…so whose voicemail was I calling anyway?
I took this newfound information and rushed back to the bank. When I got to head of the line someone off to the side asked me to look up the address of the bank on my phone and exactly as I pulled it up on my screen he asked the cashier who said it about a half-second before I did causing the asker to say “he already gave it to me.” Now I look like a fucking idiot who has M&T Bank’s address on his Smartphone for absolutely no reason, but it doesn’t matter since it’s my turn now.
I explain the situation as I had that morning. I am out of checks, and wanted temporary checks that I could use until the ones I ordered earlier that week come in. He said they have those, but he could offer me a money order for use on rent if wanted.
He reaches into a drawer and pulls out the same slip the cashier from this morning gave me. He tells me to make it out to cash and he’d do the rest. He would even waive the fee as a consolation for the “earlier events.” He gives me the printed money order and I rush back to The Beethoven arriving just as my watch says the leasing office was about to close.
“…Thank…you…for staying…open,” I said completely out of breath.
“What do you mean,” the landlord asked. “It’s only 3 o’clock – we don’t close for another hour.”
“Good thing I rushed over here then…isn’t it?” I said somewhat embarrassedly.