I went food shopping at the Target in Mondawmin Mall this afternoon. But before I did, I stopped in the newly reopened Burger King next that now looks like was dropped in from some kind of airport food court (aside the sea foam paint and faux stone walls, they also removed one railing from their cue).
“Can I get a Combo 4, medium with a Barq’s Root Beer.”
“Anything else with that,” she said giving me this weird look.
“No thank you.”
“Do you want a holder-tray for your drinks?”
“Why I only ordered one?”
“No you didn’t – you ordered ‘FOUR medium root beers.’”
“Wait, what? I ordered a BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger with medium fries and a Barq’s Root Beer.”
“That would be a ‘COMBO four,’” her manager said tapping the screen on her register.
If this was it and everything was corrected, then there wouldn’t be a problem. But, nooo, she was determined to fight this…for whatever reason.
“No,” she said to him as if turning her head slightly to the right made her completely inaudible. “He ordered ‘FOUR ROOT BEERS’ – those were his EXACT words – now he’s trying to blame this shit on me.”
“So you’ve just called me a liar ‘behind my back’ while I’m standing LESS THAN A FOOT AWAY FROM YOU!”
“Calm down, no need to be all mad. What’s the name for the order? It don’t matter which one you give me, I just need a name.”
Before I could answer her she looked at me skeptically and asked me:
“And YOU actually went to ‘Miami University’ like that key thingy around your neck says?” (implying that I’m too stupid to get into college)
“The term is ‘lanyard’ and didn’t ‘go there’ – I graduated – class of 2004.” (Note: I didn’t correct her on the school name. I gave up that fight long ago)
She passes me ONE drink, and a receipt with the word “LANYARD” written across the top in bold black letters (I half expected her to write something crude).
A few minutes later as I’m pondering why I’d want FOUR root beers when I all I went in for was a simple sandwich, the manager called out my order and hands me a small paper bag. Yes, there was a BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger and medium fries in it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the mood to eat any of them anymore…