Monthly Archives: May 2016

Photo: We’re all a little mad here

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Photo: Woodstock wisedom

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A family frustration

“Hey, Johnny,” my aunt said on our final day at Bay lake Tower. “Would you pick that shit off the floor?”

“We’re already an hour behind schedule. Housekeeping is right outside our door. Let’s just go while there’s still daylight.”

“I don’t care. I said: Pick. It. Up.”

Remember in my previous post I said about “flight or fight.” Well, I can’t fee so congratulations I’m now frozen. Meanwhile, she’s losing a game of Mahjong Tiles on her iPhone.

“God, Johnny, what the FUCK is WRONG with you? God, you’re acting like a spoiled three-year-old.”

Second time she’s “asked” me that this week, and I can’t correct her this time either. My brain and body are both frozen. I literally couldn’t do this even if I wanted to and if I did I could pat myself on the head and say: “good job, you’ve just been cowed. You’re really good at being bullied.

“You know what,” she said putting her game down and storming across the room glaring at me the entire me. “You know WHAT? THIS is what I SHOULD do instead…”

Something tells me this is not going to end well…

She kneels down, picks up the trash and, rather than throwing it away as I expected, she then turns around, points at me with her spare hand.

“Hey, Johnny, watch,” she growled with a twisted smile. “I SAID ‘WATCH.’ I’m going to teach you a fucking lesson about PISSING ME OFF!”

She rips my luggage open and smirks at me as she drops all the stuff from the floor into it.

“Problem SOLVED! See how EASY that was? Ten fucking seconds was all it took because YOU were TOO FUCKING LAZY to do it! Well, now, it’s YOUR problem, FUCKING ASSHOLE!”

Just a reminder, I’M the villian here. That’s what I get for choosing to have my brain freeze instead of being able to effortlessly volley back and forth like a “normal” person.

When I finally regained control, I tried to get her to admit that maybe – just maybe – her actions were wrong, hurtful or otherwise inappropriate. She didn’t recant – she doubled down:

“Awww, did that ‘hurt your feelings,’ Johnny? GOODThat’s what you get for PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF!”

I never got an apology or admittance of wrong-doing, but a little bit of nettling got her to admit that she was acting out of “frustration.”

Let’s recap the lesson here: It’s okay to rip open someone else’s luggage and desecrate its contents because you’re “frustrated.” Perfectly, 100% A-OK, ask any judge… but somehow I suspect if the roles were reversed it would be called “bullying” at best and…um… okay, so I couldn’t find anything relevant on the first page of search results, but I’m sure it’s bad.

It doesn’t matter as my mom constantly likes to remind me my perception is so “twisted around that you can’t tell if someone is ‘angry’ or speaking calmly and rationally” so even if I did have a case, I have no “credibility.” In other words, people can say or do whatever the hell they want to me and have their alleged behaviors instantly dismissed because I’m “too stupid” to know what they were anyway.

Speaking of mom, she appeared out of hiding and announced that she was finally ready to take everything down to the car. But then on the way out the door, she asks me what I did to cause such a “ruckus” in the room.

“I didn’t anything.”

“Exactly,” my aunt said snidely. “He didn’t DO anything.”

“That was uncalled for,” I said.

“Why? You DIDN’T ‘DO’ anything.”

“Enough,” mom said. “Stop! God, what the hell has gotten into you? You’re acting like a spoiled THREE-YEAR-OLD! STOP IT! STOP IT, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

Keep in mind, this is a hallway at a popular Disney resort hotel, and she’s acting like I’M the one acting bratty here when all I did was defend myself. Why do I keep forgetting, only “normal” people can do that?

“Your yelling isn’t help-”

“I am NOT ‘yelling’ at you. God, why the hell do you have to think everyone is ‘yelling’ at you all the fucking time? I am talking in a perfectly CALM and REASONABLE MANNER! NOW STOP IT, RIGHT NOW!”

“You ARE, and it’s only giving me a bigger headache.”

“A ‘headache,’ YOU have a ‘headache,’” she said stopping, turning around and pointing her finger in my face threateningly. “I don’t HAVE to take you back to your apartment. You can take the god damned BUS back. Do you WANT to do that? Huh, DO you? Well, then KEEP IT UP or I WILL leave you the fuck here! Do you understand me?”

“See, Johnny, your ma don’t fuck around.”

So to recap, my aunt is making snide cutting remarks about me, but I’m the one getting yelled at AND now I have threats to contend with too. To be fair, the original plan was to drop me off at the T&TC so I could take the bus 50 back to SeaWorld…it wasn’t until we were about to leave the first time that she suggested driving me back to the condo.

In fact, at THIS point, it would have been a welcome break from the yelling and hostility. That’s when I decided to take my bag – sorry, the bag my aunt desecrated because she apparently can do whatever the fuck she wants to it – and bypass the elevator to take the stairs down four floors to the lobby (beating them by two full minutes).

When they emerged into the lobby, they were talking about how perfectly calm and reasonable they were being as if I wasn’t even there.

“Yeah,” mom said off-handedly as she opened the trunk of the rental car. “I even asked him if he ‘wanted to take the bus back,’ but he declined so I guess he can guide us back.”

“Hell, it’s HIS town…”

SERIOUSLY?

Are they fucking KIDDING me?

She didn’t ‘ask’ me anything – she THREATENED to have me “take the bus back” if I didn’t “STOP IT, RIGHT NOW!” Because yelling always calms a situation in which I’m trying desperately hard NOT to be angry and loud (as there were presumably guests in all the rooms we passed on the way to the elevators).

On the plus side, that meant the ordeal was almost over, which was good because my headache was only getting stronger…

Categories: adventures, Autism, disney world, family, florida, Orlando | 2 Comments

Editorial: Forceful Friday

Today is Friday the 13th, and (as of this writing anyway) nothing bad has happened to me yet. I did go to Hollywood Studios, and forgot to take my camera with me (“oooh, look, honey, it’s a wall.”).

Yes, I had my phone on me (but thanks for suggesting the obvious anyway), but I can’t get it to zoom in properly. No good photos (or least not enough for a gallery), but I DO have a half dozen blurry videos of me cursing the ground as I’m trying to adjust the magnification on my phone. But, more importantly, I also have a listing of the SW stuff currently on offer in the park:

  • Path of the Jedi” – a 10-minute clip show in what used to be “Sounds Dangerous with Drew Carey,” but I somehow ended up in line to meet that annoying snowman from Frozen. This movie is lazy, filler content at its worst and will hopefully be replaced with something else come September (when my AP “unlocks” again). Maybe I should have gotten the damned photo after all.
  • Jedi Training: Trials of the Temple” – a live show allowing kids to “face their fears” as on-stage Jedi guide them through battles with Darth Vader and Kylo Ren. I passed by this show twice during my visit (as the usual pathways around the park were walled off) and it can be fun or painful to watch depending on the acting talents of the guides.
  • Star Wars: A Galaxy Far, Far Away” – is a “live show” combining the same clips from POTJ with cameos from some of the better known characters who come out, walk around the stage a bit and say one or two lines and then leave the same way they came in. Also, because this show is at the plaza in front of The (formerly) Great Movie Ride, there is ZERO shade.
  • Star Wars Launch Bay is actually several “experiences” in one highly themed building. The most popular being the M&Gs with Chewbacca, Darth Vader and Kylo Ren while an awkward (and semi-hidden) hallway has various computers set up with demos for the latest SW video game. If you snake your way through a series of galleries of memorabilia from the films, you’ll find yourself in a surprisingly small gift shop.
  • Generic making of movie (more like an infomercial) in the Star Wars Launch Bay Theater that doesn’t even have a title on Disney’s website, but consists of the same clips as POTJ and “SW:AGFFA” interspersed with boring talking head interviews with the writers, producers and other LucasArts employees about how “awesome” the franchise is and how “lucky” they are to work on it. Seriously, they can find something better to put in here even if it’s just POTJ.
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Imaginary threats, internet hostility and very real anxieties

When confronted with hostility – real or “imagined” – my mind automatically shuts down, the so-called “flight mechanism.” But somehow, I am never allowed to flee from the situation, I have to stay and fight even though I clearly can’t which is why it’s invariably MY fault for “starting” the very fights I never wanted to engage in (and do everything in my power to AVOID) just so I can “get attention,” “gain sympathy” or because I simply like “being an asshole.”

That also happens in less tense situations as well, but they often escalate as I am unable to process information in “real time” (Auditory Processing Disorder) which is often perceived as intentionally “blowing off” their question which circles back to the above. This internal and external pressure to answer them before it can escalate basically overloads my brain and I end up standing there “looking stupid” and the recipient of a lecture that is as long as it is loud on how I can’t be so “rude” to people and often contains my least favorite “question:”

“What the fuck is WRONG with you?”

I do not care what anyone says, that is NOT a “teaching moment” – it’s an INSULT. Period. No-one ever “asks” that looking for an answer they’re pissed off and looking for ammo. Even if I somehow could answer them in the moment all they’d hear is:

“I’m crazy and I’m making excuses. Please continue yelling at me until I see the light.”

This is the part of the essay where I give an example. Believe me, I have plenty of them and none of them are pleasant – particularly since I cannot remember them in a distanced academic fashion but in a full volume “I am there” all over again until I literally wear myself out both psychically and mentally and definitely emotionally (not that anyone ever cared about MY emotions, they’re always “wrong” anyway).

I’m sorry, what?

You’re saying people with Autism don’t have emotions?

In some cases, yes… but my problem has always been I’m TOO emotional. Every attack on me is a “personal attack” and I take those extremely seriously. I submitted a post to one of my former favorite blogs once and they responded with a meme of Spiderman lying in a hospital bed with the caption “Your post was so STUPID it gave me cancer.”

Not only did it permanently ruin Spiderman for me (who I was previously neutral towards), but it’s the chief reason I don’t look at comments on this blog and why I’m absolutely petrified to read replies to comments I made on other people’s sites.

Heck, I wrote a comment on Theme Park Tourist’s Facebook page PRAISING how hard Disney’s CMs were working on a major holiday and one of their readers posted a presumably “funny” meme of a cat with a grumpy expression telling me to kill myself – that’s why I was literally crying in the middle of Hollywood Studios on Thanksgiving Day. Yes, that really was me (proving people with Autism have “no sense of humor” either). Yes, the meme is still there and, incidentally, the incident which inspired this post also occurred on Disney property.

I’m here the rest of the week… but don’t expect many photos anytime soon.

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Photos: Tropical Tuesday

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Photo: Sunset over Space Mountain

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Photo: Baylake Tower

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Photo: Good morning from….somewhere

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Photo: Apil may be over, but…

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