Today is my mom’s 79th birthday. She died in March after a rather sudden illness.
As for today, I’m feeling okay. Not great, just okay. I know my brother Andrew says I view her death as a minor “inconvenience,” and, true or not (dad’s death meant nothing to me, mom’s was a tad more complicated due to how sudden it was), he has Power of Attorney over me through the estate so, legally speaking, I’m not allowed to argue with him about it.
It’s also one of Shamokin’s premiere Holiday Parties – and a personal favorite of my mom’s due to the selection of foods and, of course, the fact that it is hosted by one of her best friends so it was unofficially her birthday party as well. However, due to the second fact, I decided it would be too difficult on me to attend this party (though her food spread really is quite remarkable).
They say the first holiday without a loved one is the hardest. They also say it doesn’t get any easier. Factor in Autism and it’s easy to see why the confusion how to think, feel and react gets even worse. Thankfully, I live alone, so I don’t have to deal with anyone telling me I’m over (or under) reacting to things. However, come to think of it, a little support isn’t too much to ask for – today or any other day…
Today marks nine months since my mom’s death. I don’t like harping on it in this blog, but it’ll be my first holiday without my parents and the rest of my family is in Pennsylvania. It’s not going to be easy, but I have no choice but to get through it.
(Art credit: Emm Roy, Emm’s Positivity Blog)
So, Thanksgiving? My older brother is tailgating at his wife’s alma-mater. My oldest brother is going over to his brother-in-law’s house. My aunt (dad’s side) is spending time with her husband’s family, and my other aunt (mom’s side) is spending it with her boyfriend’s family. My uncle (mom’s side) is going to his sister-in-law’s House. Sooo, where does that leave me?
A lot further ahead than I am for Christmas. I mean my older brother is throwing a “Holiday party” the weekend before Christmas. I’m not 100% sure if I’m invited or shall I say “welcome” given his attitude towards me, but it IS Christmas. Besides, the bigger issue would be logistics. How do I get there? How do I get around? Where would I stay? How would I get back? People who have cars don’t have that problem.
It’s the same reason I’m probably not attending my oldest brother’s birthday later this month. To be fair, it’s the weekend before Thanksgiving so travel (probably) wouldn’t be as bad… but I’d rather not risk it. #Sorrybro
Last year, my brother Andrew (who you were probably looking for when you found this site #sorry) bought several derelict sites at a city auction: the former Coal Hole (which contrary to what its name was NOT a gay bar, but a live-music venue), F&S Brewery (which was also repurposed as a bar) and the Jones ACE Hardware Store on Independence Street of downtown all of which in addition to The Lark Building, another property on the periphery of downtown, that he inherited from our father (as Lark was our grandmother’s maiden name).
The (Sunbury, Pa) Daily Item had a feature story this morning about his plans for two of these properties – the former Coal Hole and the former ACE Hardware. He plans on eventually turning them into hotels to cash in on the recently opened Anthracite Outdoor Adventure Area, arguing the area’s abundance of vacant/blighted land (as opposed to the over saturated Lehigh Valley) make it a prime spot for new developments in the coming years.
I have been laughed at for expressing the kind of sentiments – yes, even Andy thought I was overly optimistic about the city’s prospects at one point. I may not agree with all of his plans, but they are still a push in the right direction. We’ll see which ones materialize in due time.
While I like the idea of restoring the former Coal Hole to a hotel again (as it has better parking and is within walking distance to downtown), it makes sense to focus on the smaller ACE Hardware location first. The city doesn’t currently have need for a large hotel so a smaller “boutique” hotel may do for the moment so long as it maintains the character of the area without going overboard with the theming.
The story makes no mention of either the F&S or Lark buildings… but does describe the plans (by another developer) to turn a once famous church into a bookstore, a coffeeshop (not clear if they would be the same entity or not), a visitor’s center, a museum AND a bed & breakfast.
Times have changed, and it looks like my distressed hometown’s time may have finally come…
This has been a very difficult week for me, not because yesterday marked exactly two months since my mother’s death or even the ubiquitous Mother’s Day displays springing up in all the stores or ads for specials at local restaurants shoved into my tiny apartment mailbox – no, it’s hard because, well, I can’t explain why.
Maybe it’s the fact that it’s summer in Florida and the oppressive humidity is starting to get to me. Maybe it’s that the weekend thunderstorms are causing my arm/shoulder to hurt again. Maybe it’s that I’ve been stuck with terrible heartburn all week which makes me not want to eat so anything I force myself to eat only makes said heartburn worse. I can’t see a doctor about any of this because I don’t have insurance anymore (which apparently can’t be fixed until the exchange opens up again in December).
Perhaps, it’s the fact that I finally submitted my manuscript to another editor and have no idea whether they will praise it or tear me to shreds like my last two (which was why I waited a full year to submit it to another editor). Though part of me knows that it’s the waiting for their assessment that’s harder than anything they might say, the rest of me dreads any kind of feedback at all (though I know my work needs it).
Or I could just be bored. You wouldn’t think someone who covers theme parks for a living would get bored… but then again, I could be lonely too, but dating is probably the one thing scarier than anything my editor could possibly say to me. In fact, I should probably quit writing now, as I just realized: It was way too familiar blog posts about ableism and discrimination first thing in the morning that started this trend (thankfully, April is now over, so I should be seeing a lot less of them)… but the approach of Mother’s Day probably isn’t helping matters.