ramblings

A fool’s musings

Great news: I’m happy, well-adjusted and gainfully employ… Okay, so even I don’t believe that. However, I did wake up (on my own) a full hour before my alarm went off, so I’ve got that going for me.

Maybe today isn’t a good time for jokes… or, maybe I’m not into comedy. In fact, I’m sitting here right now trying to remember the last time I legitimately laughed at something. I can recognize that something is supposed to be “funny,” yet I don’t actually find it funny.

Come to think of it, when was the last time I had fun period? When I’m at Disney or Universal, my focus tends to be on “what would make an interesting shot” rather than “how many rides I can get onto today?” When I do feel like getting on a ride (usually because it doesn’t have a line), I usually don’t find myself having actual “fun” on it. Then again, maybe there is “wisdom in crowds.”

That’s one of the reasons I want to move. It’s gotten “stale” here. Plus, my former woodland view is now a construction site, and my apartment was just bought out by another management company. Except, I can’t go anywhere due to everything being shut down… that and as of Monday (when I checked my balance at the ATM outside the grocery store) I have no money to spend anywhere anyway.

Probably because I’m the only page on Facebook NOT selling T-shirts…but every time I come up with a good idea for one and before I can even put cursor on Paint, I sign into Facebook and, invariably, the first post on my Timeline is: “Hey, guys, check out our *brand new* T-shirt design!”

Yep, and every time I come up with a particularly clever reply on a FB post, I check the comments and there it is verbatim “posted 12 minutes ago.” Wow, this means either one of us is a clairvoyant… or I’m not as clever as I like to think I am.

Yep, unfunny and uncreative with a poor sense of business timing. Yeah, that’s definitely something to be proud of. Maybe that’s why I’m sitting here by myself, alone and friendless in an uncaring world which doesn’t care about beating me to my own ideas. I think we both know who the “Fool” is today… and every other day for that matter.

 

Categories: entertainment, Health, holidays, Internet\FB, ramblings, writing | Leave a comment

A charming idea

I bought myself a new laptop for Christmas, and it came with preloaded with one of my least favorite operating systems – Windows 10. One of the “features” of this system is a program called “OneDrive” which automatically uploads all of my files to something called the Cloud… up to 5GB, and then I’m out of space and my laptop is virtually useless until I “free up space” or “go Premium.”

I’m at 4.6GB… and that’s after permanently deleting over 100 cartoons, memes and photos from my system (as deleting files from OneDrive automatically deletes them from my laptop as well). In order to keep this up, I’m going to have to make some sacrifices.

Sure, some photos can be taken off without any problem, but I found photos of my mom holding her grandniece for the first time when they were babies (the oldest starts COLLEGE in the fall 😮 ) and one of my aunt playing with the girls by mom’s pool when they were 3 or 4yo. As I said, if I delete them from OneDrive, they are gone forever.

Moreover, I also have pictures from my time in Baltimore. Pictures of festivals, pictures of places and it made me wonder if I still had enough usable photos to make a book out of. Maybe, I could include some old blog posts about these events/places (assuming they’re still on here) for color commentary. I like this idea, but it raises a huge question: Who would BUY it?

Better question: What would I call it? I kind of like “Charmed: Five years of Life in Baltimore,” but that doesn’t all that interesting (or marketable).

 

Update: I went through all of my surviving photos from 2009-2014, and I don’t have enough for a collection. I might be able to collect posts from the blog (a lot of them were lost in a mini crash on my last laptop). A collection like this could boost my confidence… or crush it when it doesn’t sell.

 

Categories: Baltimore, photography, ramblings, writing | Leave a comment

UPDATE: Three Days, no solutions

Today is the third day since re-reporting my dismissed problems to the leasing office (they take this seriously, their maintenance team apparently does not). To my knowledge, not only has nothing been done, but no-one has been by to check on it. I’m beginning to think they aren’t going to come over the weekend either.

Yes, in the grand scheme of things, three days isn’t a long time to wait for something like this. I also know that a complex with 1100 units has a laundry list of problems on a daily basis… but something tells me that only are they not taking this seriously but that they are making me wait around for nothing.

Sorry, but, contrary to what most people think, I actually have places to go (I already put off a doctor’s apt because “omg, what if I’m not here?”) and things to do – and I’m going to do them. I refuse to be a prisoner in my own apartment. This lease can’t end fast enough…

 

Second update: As predicted above, no-one came by over the weekend either. But I did get a doctor’s appointment to see if it really is mold as someone suggested… or just IBS and strong allergies. This I know I’ll get an answer to this week… maybe. (10/7/19)

 

Categories: florida, Health, healthcare, Orlando, ramblings, Williamsburg | Leave a comment

Down the rabbit hole

I woke up for the first time in months without pain and feeling totally refreshed. It was PERFECT… until a few minutes ago.

Then I picked up the phone just so they wouldn’t leave a pre-recorded message on my machine (which doesn’t let me delete messages because it’s a cheap pos) when OMG this happened:

“Hi, is this Jonathan?”

A live person wants to talk to me!

“Hi, Mr. Twaay-gear? I’m calling to let you know we can reduce your property insure…”

Of course.

Less then thirty minutes into my day, and it’s already ruined.

It’s not her fault. She has a job to do, and she clearly likes it as much as I do… but she just HAD to say: “n-no, don’t hang up! If you give us the make/model of the car you drive, we can also save you…”

I’m flattered that she thinks I can drive… even if its SOLELY so she can make money off it, but the emotional rabbit hole she effectively threw me into was what derailed my otherwise perfect morning,

The rabbit hole with various side burrows and booby traps, think of it like Oak Island in reverse. The worst part is I never know what’s going to trigger said hole – and then once I’m in it…

Good luck getting out of it, all on your own, without any help from anyone.

That’s the part that REALLY hurts me.

Sure, I can often distract myself for a moment or two but as long as it has even a little of my attention, I’m not out of it yet. It helps that these side burrows often lead to sad/traumatic memories often from years ago that I was never “allowed” to feel because that’s just not how teens/adults deal with things.

Nope.

The supposedly “correct” order of operations is: Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or some combination thereof… and if all else fails therapy. The problem was, once my parents decided to get the latter for me, the school they sent me to didn’t provide the “safe, therapeutic environment” mentioned in their brochure.

No, you had to stick to THEIR script (whether it was true or not) and then they would flip anything you said against you without any help or guidance on their part. Cleaning up the mess they caused is YOUR responsibility not theirs. In fact, the closest thing they gave me to a “tool” was:

You want to know what’s causing all of your problems? Look in a fucking mirror.”

Deep man. Really deep…. unfortunately, it’s not very, you know, helpful. I’ve tried looking in mirrors. All I see is a fat, ugly dude who needs to shave more often. I, however, have yet to find any SOLUTIONS there.

Yes, I know I look ridiculous ranting in a mirror about lowering the insurance rates on a car I don’t have but am expected to have anyway JUST so if I got hit by a car I can say “I lost my car and license after a really bad accident but I continued paying anyway just in case this happened.” To which they’d inevitably say, “you’re an IDIOT” – and they’d be right!

But nope, at least FOUR people at the hospital asked me for MY car insurance – even though I was the VIC… Oh, sorry, wouldn’t you know it? She has other calls to make.

In the meantime, my reflection and I have to find my own way out of this damned rabbit hole…

Categories: Autism, BYAS (Benchmark Transitions), California, ramblings, Redlands\Yucaipa | Leave a comment

Cold coffee blues

So, I’m having a stressful evening mentally. I was going to get coffee at the Wawa on I-Drive to distract myself, but I decided self-care was more important. The lights of traffic outside (at 8pm no less) were blindingly bright (streetlights are pretty much non-existent in my area) and the mobile concerts were almost deafening at times, #sensoryhell neither helps with my perpetual headache so I came back inside.

Besides, LAST time I went to Wawa, I was forced to figure out how to react to someone sending this page a message about my personal profile being “banned” from an unspecified page (a kind of weird thing to do, plus it took me two and a half days to figure out which one).

The plus side is, I have more money for rent and bills. Oh, and I can still go out tomorrow morning if I really wanted to…

Categories: adventures, Autism, florida, Orlando, ramblings, sensory processing disorder, Williamsburg | Leave a comment

Battle of the bans

Yesterday, my Facebook page received a rather rude pm about it’s author being “banned” from an unspecified page, presumably for having an opinion of some sort (perish the thought).

That isn’t what bothers me, but what DOES is that I was probably supposed to feel something: mad, sad, guilty or like I was being “punished” for some vaguely described crime… but I didn’t.

I simply stood there for a moment in the middle of the Wawa with my newly acquired coffee in hand like “okay, that was petty, but why is she sending it to my page?

I know she sent it for a REASON (however petty), and I knew I was supposed to react a certain way… but I didn’t. Am I cold, unfeeling or is ennui a viable option? I did send a cursory response when I got back to the apartment roughly 20 minutes later, but I was in too good of a mood to argue with her.

I was going to send her message at 9:35am (12 hours after the instantaneous response that I never read) but decided to simply delete it instead. I am 38 years old. Like it or not, I’m an “adult” now.

Thanks for reading this. I didn’t intend to go on so long, I just really needed to get this out of my system. Servus.

 

Update: We have another cold front passing through Orlando this week. So, I’m having a hot coffee, so far, nobody has “banned” either me and my “negative and insulting comments” or my overly positive Autism affirming page from anything… yet. (12/10/18)

 

Categories: adventures, Autism, entertainment, florida, Internet\FB, Orlando, ramblings, Williamsburg | 1 Comment

National Disappointment Day

Today is National Siblings Day in the US. Yah.

I have two brothers, we aren’t as close (or anywhere near as supportive) as some siblings I’ve seen around the FB community, but we aren’t openly feuding to my knowledge. I’m a huge “disappointment” to them (yes, that’s an actual quote not an emphasis), but they (usually) aren’t mad about it, bro…

The lack of hostility doesn’t necessarily translate to acceptance or support, but if something goes wrong, they are more than happy to blame me for it. Don’t worry, even if it is demonstrably PROVEN beyond even the tiniest shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t my fault, it’s still my fault because… um, it just is.

I get invited to their major parties and what not, but it feels more like what they are expected to do than a sincere request. Maybe it’s just my “overactive imagination,” but as welcome as they say I am, it doesn’t feel like I actually belong there. It’s subtle, but unshakable.

Kind of like the difference between icy “awareness” and the warm embrace of “acceptance” (which I don’t think they’ve gotten to yet). If I had to put it into words, it would probably be like lukewarm resentment with a mildly friendly veneer over it.

Actually, I think my middle brother put it best: “You know, Sibling Day isn’t a real holiday.”

How disappointing – especially since I was looking forward to using that cute “I love my brother” graphic I swiped off FB at the top of this post. Maybe next year…

Categories: Autism, family, holidays, ramblings | 1 Comment

Minding the gap

I spent a good portion of the afternoon arguing with the agent from the dental insurance company whose policy starts tomorrow (required to complete my ACA order) to try and establish my “assigned dentist.”

Good grief, I can still remember trying to buy regular health insurance (the Golden Rule plan I’d be replacing) when I first moved to Maryland and before the aforementioned “Care Act” took effect. It was a nightmare (which I don’t feel like repeating here), but was still easier than signing up for Obamacare. Seriously, 20 different policies from TWO different companies PLUS I had to choose separate vision and dental plans – why have one monthly bill when you can have three?

No, you can’t skip these two steps – I tried, and ended up delaying coverage for about 2 weeks (and being woken up by phone calls at 9am every morning for said two weeks saying “it’s time to finish enrollment” which I thought was already taken care of). #endrant

Back to my original story: apparently, there is only ONE in the entire metro Orlando area () – even though there were AT LEAST four offices within a 20-minute bus ride of me which claimed they accepted plans from that company, but nope agent on the phone insisted there was only one in-plan dentist in a 25-mile radius “…unless you want the Premium Plan.”

Seriously considered telling him to forgot it as I really didn’t want the plan to begin with. The good news is: it gives me an excuse to switch practices (which you read about in my “dental” category). The bad news is: I’m on my own for finding it… as long as I’m willing to pay “a little bit extra” for another plan… and wait a full year before true coverage kicks in (so that extracted tooth – from LAST FEBRUARY – isn’t getting capped for another year).

But, hey, at least I get to call them back tomorrow…

Categories: Advocacy\volunteer, dentistry, editorials, Health, news, politics, ramblings | Leave a comment

Review: Epcot’s inaugural International Festival of the Arts

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First off, today is Saturday. I never go anywhere NEAR the parks on a Saturday unless I absolutely have to…or unless I’m super bored and the event only happens on weekends like the inaugural Epcot International Festival of the Arts.

Theme Park Tourist couldn’t recommend it highly enough – even going so far as to suggest making it a multi-day event for art\food lovers. I wouldn’t that far, but I do see it’s appeal… as a way to draw attendance to the park between the phenomenally popular Flower & Garden Show and the overpriced pub crawl know as Food & Wine Festival. Nothing wrong with that – Busch Gardens hosts its own Food & Wine Festival during their slow season.

The problem (and you knew I’d have one) is Disney is trying too hard to make what little they’re offering sound like a lot more than what it is (kind of Hollywood Studios). I’ve been to arts festivals in Miami (Beaux Arts), Harrisburg (Kipona), Baltimore (Artscape), Tampa (Gasperilla Festival of the Arts) and, yes, even Shamokin has one (Anthracite Heritage Festival of the Arts) and none of them were like this.

It’s like the people planning this had never been to an arts festival.

I get this is mainly about drawing people into the park so they can spend their money in DISNEY’S stores and restaurants (so no blocking paths leading to attractions or restaurants) so even though they also advertise this as a “culinary festival,” those tasty “seminars” were tucked safely behind Disney’s trademark paywall.

To be fair, this was one of the weak complaints TPT made of the event: Little food, big prices and long lines. At Artscape, I couldn’t walk 50 feet without running into a food vendor, here the closest thing to fest food was the existing Funnel Cake House at the American pavilion (and, yes, it had a line too). In fact, there were times where I completely forgot I was walking through an “Arts Festival” rather than an overcast day at Epcot.

As I was walking through the various “Art areas,” I noticed they were dominated by house booths with house merchandise. Don’t get me wrong, ALL of the festivals above had their own merch tents – Artscape had several of them spread throughout their festival – but they had other vendors there. Some of them varied in price\quality (see early years of Heritage Fest), but they weren’t all house booths.

Normally, I’d give them some slack for being an inaugural event, but this is DISNEY and I know they can do better than this. Well, there’s always next year…

Categories: adventures, art, disney world, editorials, entertainment, festivals, florida, news, Orlando, ramblings, retail | Leave a comment

Confession: I didn’t watch the inauguration

I used to post moderately conservative posts on this blog back at the beginning of the primaries in 2015 so it’s kind of embarrassing to say I didn’t get to watch the inauguration. It’s not that I was “protesting” or “boycotting” it…though I was planning on checking out that whole inaugural International Festival of the Arts at Epcot this afternoon.

Unfortunately, I didn’t do either.

I woke up at 5am with a dry throat and sore stomach and after I got some water and used the bathroom I went back to bed…and when I woke up: it was 1:30 in the afternoon! Too late to do anything about EITHER inaugural event, but at least I was feeling better so that’s good.

Fortunately, I’m not worried about the Epcot thing all that much as it’s going through the end of next month (and, truthfully, the ONLY reason I’m even considering going is because I don’t want to “waste” my AP). Eh, tomorrow’s another day…

 

Categories: disney world, florida, news, Orlando, politics, ramblings | Leave a comment

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