I woke up around 10:30am (though with the humidity, I doubt I got more than 3-4 hours’ sleep). I showered, got dressed and immediately began my first task of the day: setting up my mom’s printer.
Sliding the pre-assembled unit out of the box was simple enough. While removing the plastic\cardboard from the edges was a hassle, the real problem was getting the cords from the printer through the impenetrable mass of other cords coming out of her tower and snaking around her power strip without disconnecting anything important. Thankfully, the software practically installed itself.
After just over an hour of set up, I came downstairs and had a quick lunch. Just as I’m finishing, my dad pulls up the spare seat at the counter.
“Have you seen the thing you put in the sleeve to hold the flag when you’re walking?” Dad asked (or not, I wasn’t paying attention). Mom said she hadn’t, and thus he turns to his left and says “So Jonathan, you know what I’m looking for. I’m not sure if it’s on the 1st or 2nd level, but you can look for it.”
He then goes into the living room, sits in his recliner and turns on the TV.
I have no idea what he – sorry, I – was supposedly looking for, but I was pretty sure if it’s in the garage he won’t run across it in the living room watching television. If some stupid TV movie was more important to him than finding this precious item, then it probably wasn’t important to begin with.
Besides, my digital crops were withering…
But they were just going to have to wait a little longer as mom entered the room almost immediately after I did. She wanted to install the A\C in the window while she had someone to help her. I asked her if dad could help her, and she glares at me as if I just asked the world’s dumbest question.
If you know what you are doing, installing a window A\C isn’t all that difficult. We didn’t, but half an hour later we managed to get it as close to installed as we were probably going to get.
That finally out of the way, I log onto Facebook. I harvest crops, collect taxes and destroy a few gems. No-one cursed me out, threatened my life or otherwise bullied me. I had to check that I was signed into the right site.
Finally, I come downstairs again to get a Frappuccino from the fridge, and dad comes up to the counter with his legal pad. Before I could escape, he began lecturing me on the fundamentals of the effects of PE Ratios to dividend yields, a detailed explanation of the differences between “energy” and “utility” stocks and why tech stocks have a good yield despite not paying a dividend.
Or not, I wasn’t nearly as interested in his speech as he was, and I resent having to sit through these sessions. I know he likes this financial stuff, but frankly these lectures make me want to gouge my eyes out with a dirty spork.
“PAY ATTENTION! Or am I competing with your TV watching. Fuck, until you can find someone willing to PAY for your work, this is your ONLY source of income, but, fuck, I can’t compete with ‘the ultimate Chicago cheesesteak,’ so why do I fucking bother? I make [redacted] per year off MY portfolio, but nooo you would rather watch someone make a fucking cheesesteak than learn how to make money!”
That’s when mom, rather wisely, choses to tell me that the A\C in the other bedroom needs to be installed as well. Fortunately, this was a newer model, and was not only smaller, but lighter and easier to install. Fifteen minutes later, I was back to trying adventure games on Facebook.
Around 4:30pm, my dad yells for me from the bottom of the steps (still bitter from the stock thing earlier). I put my game on hold, and went to see what he wanted. He was wearing his dress uniform and wanted to know if I found his flag thing for him.
I didn’t get to answer him, before he fumed: “That’s a ‘no…’ Also, we have to leave NOW so tell me are you marching with the scouts or not?”
“I’m not in scouts anymore, remember? Besides, my uniform is back in my closet.”
“We’ve got uniforms here.” He then throws his hands up in the air and storms off: “Fine, sorry for asking; be an asshole about it.”
An hour later (after she dropped dad off downtown), my mom comes up to my room and tells me it’s time to go to the Heritage Parade…