Whale waylaid at Wal-Mart: Part 1

I’m leaving now for Walmart to return the things that I didn’t WANT to buy but *HAD* to because I lost the argument that I didn’t want to be in about whether I wanted them or not. Yes, I know, it looks strange written out, but here we are…

As many of you know, I don’t have a car. That’s not a huge deal in places like Baltimore, Orlando or even Myrtle Beach. Unfortunately, as my failed trip to Hershey Park last month demonstrated, not all areas are serviced equally – and that lesson hits especially hard in Central Pennsylvania where rideshare is literally NONEXISTENT. I’m fully dependent on the whims of others to get around.

And just like riding with strangers is risky, riding with people you actually know has its drawbacks as well. This is definitely one of them…

One more piece of exposition: My older brother and I are not on the best of terms, BUT he heard I was in the area and invited me, our eldest brother and his family along with our aunt and her BF to his house for an afternoon pool party/cookout while his wife was at a conference in DC. I was planning on going to Allentown anyway during this trip (to go to Dorney Park), but said aunt was like “are you kidding me? Not with gas prices like THIS,” but had no problem accepting this invitation because “he’s your BROTHER. It’s different” (which made me think there may have been an ulterior motive at play here, but, hey, free food).

That was the plan on Monday, by Tuesday it was my SIL hosting since she and the kids (11 and 9) were home for the summer but my oldest brother still had work and my middle brother was shuffling his teens (13, 15 and 17) between their various events. So, a somewhat neutral venue, and my aunt’s boyfriend dropped out to cover his worker’s shift so he could attend a family cookout. Proof that good bosses DO exist.

However, my oldest brother ALSO has a pool (no shade though), but my head isn’t the only part of me that’s “thicc,”so if I was planning to go anywhere near the water, I’d need better than the XL swimsuit I’d brought with me. And where do I get a replacement at 4pm on a Tuesday afternoon?

My aunt agreed to take me to Wal-Mart for ONE ITEM. I repeat ONE ITEM, and then we were going to pick up her boyfriend to go to Knoebels (a fine trip, but it was too late in the day to really take photos – especially since the park closes at 7pm due to staff shortages). As I said in my intro, it was more than one item. A LOT more….

Anyway, first order of business: Find out what size I actually am. She pulls a pair of heavy cotton shorts off the rack, a pair of athletic shorts (because obviously I’m an athlete), a pair of “dress shorts” and a t-shirt and then tells me to “try them on” to see if they fit.

Never mind that none of them are actually swimwear, this was just a “starting point.” No commitment or anything, just a “rough idea of sizing.” Period. Nothing more. Why was I stupid enough to believe that?

Anyway, ever since the accident a few summers ago, I have been having trouble getting dressed and undressed – especially pants and shorts. Heck, it takes me four minutes just to get shoes on. Thankfully, I was wearing sandals (which are slightly easier to put on/take off). Anyway, I barely get the shirt over my armpits and because it’s the middle of July they’re immediately sweat through, then as I’m balancing on one foot trying to get the left foot through the leg hole, I’m nearly knocked to the floor by:

BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM

“OPEN UP, RIGHT NOW,” she shouted (as her normal voice could be heard in the next county, but apparently not through an inch of plywood). “I NEED TO SEE IF THEY FIT!”

As much as I wanted that noise to stop, I couldn’t actually go out there until I was fully dressed and she wouldn’t stop banging until she saw the door open.

“So,” she said with her normal voice as I ventured out in my new outfit. “How do they fit?”

“I dunno. Not only did you nearly give a heart attack, I couldn’t concentrate with all the rack-”

“’Concentrate,’” she scoffed. “What the hell is there to ‘concentrate’ on? They’re CLOTHES. They fit or they don’t. Which one is it?”

“The fabric on this shirt is too thin.”

“It’s SUMMER – that’s a good thing, but I asked ‘how it FITS.’”

“I guess. I’m not really a fan of the des-”

“Good. That means you’re getting it. What about the shorts?”

“The fabric is uncomfortable.”

“WHY is it ‘uncomfortable?”

“Because it’s too heavy.”

“Use fabric softener. Duh. That’s literally what it’s for.”

See how helpful she is. I have a problem that I don’t view as a “problem” (because it’s not), and she immediately has a solution for it. She’s basically a human infomercial. 😮

“Now, go back in there, change out of those clothes, and I’ll put them in the cart. Oh,” she said grabbing a ton of hangers from the side of said cart and dumping them into my hands unceremoniously. “And I found a buncha other stuff in your size to try on.”

Great. A bunch of other shirts I have to get all gross and sweaty and thus forced to buy them too.  

So, I didn’t. I quickly took off the wet shirt that was already stuck to my back (okay, so “quickly” is probably the wrong word) and, as expected, by the time I almost had my original shorts back on, she was pounding on the door again. I strapped my sandals back on, grabbed the clothes off the hook and went back outside.

Whale waylaid at Wal-Mart: Part 2

I left the changing room, handed the black, sweat-through shirt to my aunt, telling her to put it in the cart.

“Well, what about the others? How do they fit?

“Well, they’re all the same size. So…”

“Good,” she said snatching them from my hand. “That means you can get them.”

“I don’t want to get them. Especially since you’re going to make me pay for everything myself.”

“I’ve done hundreds of things I ‘don’t wanna do,’” she scoffed. “Besides, they are $8 and $15 each, you aren’t gonna get a better deal anywhere else” (no, the Walton family wasn’t paying her to say that). “So, unless you can give me a REAL reason why, then you have no excuse NOT to buy them.”

Argh. I hate when she does this. No reason is good enough, she just makes me come up with more and more reasons off the top of my head – all of which are instantly shot down (because I have a sensory delay and she doesn’t) until she loses her patience and gets completely “pissed the fuck off” at ME for arguing with HER (whereas, I’m not allowed to show her the slightest tinge of frustration).

And I can’t refuse to play her game because if I try to tell her that “I’m not up to arguing with you about it,” then I have to go through a string of “WHYs” justifying it. Other people have conversations, I get cross-examinations.

Either way, I lose a game I never wanted to play in the first place. However, since I’ve already been drafted into it…

“Fine,” I sighed. “IF I buy all this shit I don’t want with my own money, then I not only have to figure out how to get them INTO my bag, but I’m the one who has to CARRY it all day on Thursday.”

“Is that all you got? Jeez, that’s easy: All you gotta do is put it on a CREDIT CARD, then you go back and you PACK your bag and then you LIFT it. Congratulations! You’re now ‘CARRYING’ your bag. See how easy that is? So, that means you have no argument. Therefore….”

“No. I gave you THREE arguments – which is three more than I need to give you – that you simply dismissed out of hand to get me to buy shit that I don’t want to buy.”

Finally, as expected, she loses her temper completely, staring me coldly in the eye, throwing the items into the cart defiantly and them lunging at me snarling “What are YOU going to DO about it, huh? HUH?”

Oh, don’t worry. There were no witnesses, so she can – and has – claimed it “never actually happened.” Just a realistic hallucination, a bad fever dream or… whatever, the point is she sounds bad therefore I must be “FAKE NEWS!!!”

“Ha, that’s what I fucking thought. Pfft. You ARE getting them. PERIOD. End. Of. Diss. Fucking. Cussion.”

Not quite, she did give me her completely 100% legit, airtight reason why I should buy all this shit: “I’m sick of seeing your fat ass gut hanging out over your shorts. It’s fucking disgusting.”

As I said, inarguable (and totally not a knife twist).

Three feet away from the employee I returned the key to – literally on the opposite side of the partition – was Men’s swimwear. Finally, the one and ONLY thing I can in here for. I find an 2XL yellow and orange one just as my aunt (who seems to have calmed down a bit) finds a red and navy one – which she immediately puts back before picking up a blue camo shorts… that were the exact match for the ones I was wearing, so she quickly put them back.

I don’t have time to try them on since we’re already late for picking up her boyfriend at the shop, so she rushes over to the checkout… just to veer off at the last second to goto Health/Beauty. Wait, what happened to “being late?”

“You need deodorant,” she said coldly (also not a knife twist).

Technically, she was right. Unfortunately, since the accident, I haven’t been able to lift my arms above my shoulders (which means I get both shouted at AND a free “verification pat-down” at the airport for “not lifting my arms above my head”), so it’s something I tend to forget about… except in Summer.

Then, it’s back to the checkout area (for real this time). She goes first, loads her two or three items onto the conveyor belt, and the cashier looks at me expectantly.

“No, no, no,” my aunt told her. “Ring this up. The rest of that shit is HIS and HE’LL pay for it.”

See? I was right. She turned around and made me pay for the items SHE wanted me to buy with my own money that I don’t want to spend because I lost the argument I didn’t want to be in about whether I wanted to buy them or not. Yes, it still looks strange written out.

Then it was off to pick up her boyfriend in town, so I could go to Knoebels. If you’re wondering why I don’t have any photos up, it’s because we got there after 5pm so the majority of that time was spent eating… or waiting to eat (as the restaurants were too busy shutting down to prepare food). I wanted to go the park first and THEN go to Walmart on the way back, but, again, I’m not the one with the car.

As for the “cookout,” the suit fit and the warm water made it easier to move my arms/shoulders. Also, the food was good for what it was, but according to my aunt the whole day was wasted:

“You didn’t talk to your brother once,” she complained on the way back. “The whole point of bringing you up here was to have you talk to him… and you fucking didn’t.”

That’s the second time I was right in this post, but, to be fair, he didn’t talk to me either. As for the clothes, my aunt promised to “take them back” for me on her back from the train station just to pull my duffel and messenger bags out of the trunk… as well as – wait for it – the bags for Walmart.

“Well,” she shrugged, leaving me standing there awkwardly. “It’s your shit. You can take care of it…”

Autism Awareness Month: Day 12 – Trains!!!

None of the prompts for this week interested me very much, so I asked myself what (besides Autism) would be the most popular topic in the Autism community I could fashion for a post this month: the answer (as spoiled by my headline) was TRAINS!! Okay, so it’s a stereotype, but both my dad and brother are model train nerds and Autism runs in families…

However, this post, as N–gauging as model trains are, is about the new Amtrak Connect US plan that Joe Biden and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg came up with to improve rail service in this country over the next decade and a half – and boy HO-wdy does it need it.

Said plan not only involves enhancing their 21,000 miles of existing routes, but – and this is where I think they’re a bit ambitious for 15 years – adding service to over 160 destinations in 26 states (mostly through shorter “spur routes,” some of which make more sense on a state rail basis than a national one). Since I’ve got nothing else to do today, I’m going to discuss some of them in more detail… yes, you can leave now, your page view has already been counted.

Northeast Corridor

As you can see from the map, Pennsylvania has three extremely short spurs one connecting Philadelphia to Reading, and the other two connecting New York to Allentown/Bethlehem and Scranton/Wilkes-Barre.

While I don’t see the point of the Philly-Reading spur, I do think Reading would be a good addition to a potential NYC-Allentown-Harrisburg route (replacing the current Keystone Service, the Pennsylvanian line can stay as it is).

I have no problem with a spur to Scranton, but I wish they’d push it further west to say Williamsport and possibly Erie as there is no train service in the northern part of the state, but the latter can wait for the next round of expansions.

Southeast corridor

I like that they are adding service to Wilmington, NC. I’d LOVE it if they connected it to Charleston, SC via Myrtle Beach. They can even run it south to say Savannah or Jacksonville. Call it the “Coastal Carolina” route.

Speaking of JAX, they need to restore service from it to Mobile, AL. I get it was destroyed by a hurricane, and they don’t want to waste resources replacing a line that could be destroyed again. However, leaving it “suspended” like this isn’t doing anyone any good. Once that’s completed, the next round of expansions should focus on connecting Mobile to Montgomery.

I have no strong opinions on the rest of the country, so I’ll leave it here…

2021 resolutions

So, the New Year is upon us. A year of hope, opportunities and boundless adventures… and lots of undeserved trauma that will very likely keep me from having a pleasant thought ever again. Oh, yes, and a chance to begin anew, and how do I that? New Year’s Resolutions!

The first and most important: Rely less on “convenience” apps. I just saw a story on Google News about how delivery apps like Door Dash and Instacart, as important as they are in our “contact free” age, are killing the very businesses they are purporting to help. The poor driver is not only caught in the middle, but they are essentially shafted pay wise.

Thankfully, now that the I-Ride Trolley is back to at least a partially normal schedule, I can go back to shopping in store again… four days a week anyway with it’s advertised “15-20 minute” waits ballooning to an hour – or more – with fewer vehicles running/less drivers working in other words: less gas, fewer paychecks. Okay, so it’s not that much of an improvement, but it’s cheaper than taking Uber/Lyft to the grocery store.

The problem is, the four-day schedule requires more advanced planning than Uber/Instacart does. I don’t need milk today or tomorrow, but I might on Wednesday which is too bad since trolley service is (for the moment anyway) “THURS-SUN only.” Yes, I know, there’s a 7-Eleven 500ft outside my bedroom window, but that doesn’t mean I can do ALL of my shopping there.

Besides, if I’m going to eat at least a little healthier (a phrase with a certain amount of wiggle room), I’m going to have to cut down on the amount of junk food I buy. The easiest way to do that is to remember I’d have to CARRY IT from the store, across the parking lot and eventually to wherever the nearest trolley stop is. Whereas, Instacart shoppers can buy all the ice cream, cookies, chips, etc. I want because they have a CAR to load it into.

So, why not just use Uber or Lyft? Easy – because I did! Given the most direct route to the nearest Publix, my fare comes out to $7.65 plus tip… and how much does it cost to come back? Therefore, it was cheaper to pay the $9 “delivery fee” for Instacart (later lowered to $3) than it was to go round trip to the store myself. Also, there was less chance of catching viruses that way.

Speaking of which, now that the vaccine is available in Orlando (as well as a shiny new mutation!), I can play catch up with all the travel I had planned for last year. My trip to Baltimore in March was supposed to end with a weekend in Sanford (as my flight was on Friday and Sunrail back to downtown only runs on weekdays… unfortunately, Friday was the day Governor DeSantis issued his “Stay-at-Home” order for the state. Even the check-in woman at the hotel said I was “stupid” for doing so (yes, that’s a quote, as I’m supposed to just intrinsically know these things when I’m 3500ft in the sky with no access to news/information).

I had also planned a week in Charlotte, NC (home of Carowinds – owned by the same company as Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom, which I also planned on visiting). Obviously, I would not spend the entire week at one park, as I’m sure there are museums, galleries, and other attractions to see in Mecklenburg County. Probably a wide variety of food and drink options as well.

If everything goes according to plan, I won’t be stepping foot in Disney until March or April… that’s assuming I pay down my Instacart and Lyft bills first.

I can’t go home again

Today (Tuesday, more likely Thurs) was the day I was planning on going back to Pennsylvania to visit my family and tour my estranged brother’s now fully approved projects. I could also drive past my grandmother’s newly painted house (it’s supposedly blue now, but I can’t link to a picture of it), check-in with the pizza place that is moving in below my old apartment, volunteer at St John’s Rummage Sale and take some photos at Knoebels Amusement Resort.

None of that is happening… at least, not yet.

Apparently, Pennsylvania, which has not fully reopened yet, has a 14-day quarantine on visitors from high risk places like NY, NJ, or Florida (though Florida’s infection rates are down and the state hasn’t seen a death from the disease in two straight days).

I guess there’s still Thanksgiving and Christmas to look forward to (assuming they aren’t cancelled too) but, as much as I want to see my nieces/nephews, I don’t particularly trust a rushed, politicized vaccine. Heck, I know some people who don’t trust vaccines at all (yeah, forget Measles, Mumps, Diphtheria, or Polio – we all know Autism is the absolute WORST thing that can happen to your child).

I guess this gives me time to plan a Disney or Universal photo trip this weekend (as I love fall at Disney). I know Universal isn’t hosting HHN this year, but they do have two pop-up daytime haunted houses – which IMMEDIATELY “sold out” for the entire day when they opened! If I thought SeaWorld was decorating for the season, I’d go there, but they aren’t… and I was just at Disney last month (though some less budget conscious sites post new photos daily).

 

PS: I wasn’t thinking about this when I was writing this last night, but Happy First Day of Fall!

Searching here in Allentown

Looking for the apartments, I never found…

Literally.

I got hopelessly lost in downtown Allentown trying to get from my morning tour to my afternoon tour (which is why I’m kind of skittish about renting in a much larger city like Philadelphia) and again trying to find the where I was on Google Maps did nothing but zap my battery life (especially since both the topography and the street grid are slightly misleading).

I eventually ended up at my destination in downtown Allentown on the periphery of the property, which was conveniently enough attached to the PP&L Center. However, I couldn’t get in because I don’t have the code, so I called the number on the sign and asked to be let in.

“And you have an appointment,” the man asked with the enthusiasm of a dull rock.
“I would have, but-”
“We don’t have any units available right now.”
“Actually, I’m looking to move in May or Ju-”
“Well, then need to call us IN May,” and hung up on me.

Not to worry, I still have two other apartments to check…oh, cool, an email:

Dear Jonathan:
I just wanted to let you know that we no longer have any 2 bedroom units available within your time frame. We do have 1 bedrooms across our various properties. Please let me know if you want to keep your appointment.

I still have ONE property left in the area… and, naturally, it’s run by the same company.

I’m not about to give up just yet. As the things I want I tend to get… so I walked four blocks in the wrong direction before turning around and reluctantly getting lunch at one of the places outside PP&L Center. Then it was time to press onward.

As I’m trying to get a sense of place, I see a “NOW LEASING” flag wave in my face.

Well that was easy… too easy.

In fact, it was the wrong building entirely (no, they didn’t have any availability either). I tried making a map of how I ended up the opposite side of town with ten minutes to go before my appointment, but even Google Maps couldn’t keep up with my poor sense of direction. Let’s just say if there was a turn to make, I made it.

I did, however, get there… eventually (and entirely by accident). I was twenty minutes late, but I was still there (and she was meeting with someone else when I arrived). Yes, I know that contradicts my previous post.

The building itself is relatively new construction with clean lines, cool grey walls/carpet, and modern fitness center. The apartments themselves were a nice size with granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. But none of that matters if none of the units were available.

We head back downstairs. The agent confirms the paperwork, and I leave. This time I’m not about to risk getting lost again, so I have Lyft take me to my hotel. This day wasn’t successful, but as the song goes:

Well, it’s hard to keep an Aspie down, but I’m not leasing here in Allentown…

PSA: New content coming

So, as I said before on this blog, my lease is expiring sometime in June. This weekend, I plan on doing something about it. I’ll be touring apartments in both Baltimore and my former (future?) home state of Pennsylvania. I’ll still post photos/travelogues of various events and destinations, they just won’t be exclusively Disney.

Case in point, look for content about my trip on this blog as well as a few non-apartment hunting related destinations in the coming days.

Hard (and lonely) times ahead…

Today marks nine months since my mom’s death. I don’t like harping on it in this blog, but it’ll be my first holiday without my parents and the rest of my family is in Pennsylvania. It’s not going to be easy, but I have no choice but to get through it.

(Art credit: Emm Roy, Emm’s Positivity Blog)

So, Thanksgiving? My older brother is tailgating at his wife’s alma-mater. My oldest brother is going over to his brother-in-law’s house. My aunt (dad’s side) is spending time with her husband’s family, and my other aunt (mom’s side) is spending it with her boyfriend’s family. My uncle (mom’s side) is going to his sister-in-law’s House. Sooo, where does that leave me?

A lot further ahead than I am for Christmas. I mean my older brother is throwing a “Holiday party” the weekend before Christmas. I’m not 100% sure if I’m invited or shall I say “welcome” given his attitude towards me, but it IS Christmas. Besides, the bigger issue would be logistics. How do I get there? How do I get around? Where would I stay? How would I get back? People who have cars don’t have that problem.

It’s the same reason I’m probably not attending my oldest brother’s birthday later this month. To be fair, it’s the weekend before Thanksgiving so travel (probably) wouldn’t be as bad… but I’d rather not risk it. #Sorrybro

Photo: Happy Father’s Day